Episode 4. Cock A Deaf Un Bab!

A wonderful bit of Wednesfield advice from my lovely Dad. Or to put it another way 'Tek n'notice!' You get the point. It also means: to give someone or something a wide berth. To not get involved in someone's petty drama.

It's perfectly okay to lend your support to a good or worthy cause, but to keep becoming embroiled in other people's sagas, dramas and fights, isn't.

My dad used to see me tie myself up in knots, worrying about other people's poor behaviour. Fending off prolonged and spiteful attacks from those that were trying to inflict appalling damage on my well-being – even enjoying the pain they tried to cause me.

When he saw it, he showed me what to do. It took me a while to understand the power in his message.. To 'cock a deaf un' is basically a fantastic way to render such a person, completely powerless. By reacting, explaining, worrying or showing my pain, I was merely loading the gun for someone to fire at me,  who really wanted to hurt, isolate and vilify me. Even unwisely, trying to get him on side to fight their cause. Big mistake! 'Cock a deaf un bab, and sit back and watch!'

No-one wants to believe that there are people out there, that despise you so much. Your mere existence rankling with their own shallow beliefs and insecurities. I didn't. I kept thinking that if I explain, I could clear up misunderstandings and they would like me. Don't you believe it!! To do that simply provides them with more 'evidence' to hate you. You are still feeding the beast.

I know happiness means different things to different people. My guiding light to being happy, was to find peace of mind. How could I have peace of mind and thus happiness, if I was constantly preoccupied by what others think and do? Well it's simple – I couldn't.

Whereas it is very important to me, that my tribe I love, respect and care about - love, respect and care for me, I had to choose not to give a single rat's ass about those who didn't. So I cut off the ammunition supply that I'd  previously provided. And sat back and watched. How I enjoyed that  peace and quiet.

I try always, to operate from a position of integrity. Something else my dad taught me. I never play games with, or use anyone. It is cruel, mean, unnecessary and drains energy. I know it will  bring me nothing good. Instead, I choose to let them play on their own, breaking their own toys. The peace of mind I now have, from simply not joining in with spiteful game players, or worrying what other's think of me, is immense. I can 'get my zen on' whenever I want. It has opened up a limitless space inside me to learn, develop and become the person I always hoped I could. The person, my dad, before he passed away, told me he was so proud of.

 It has given me the freedom to be happy.

© Gillian Cullis 07/06/2018