Episode 12. It Could've Been Worse.

This week has been trying. I broke my arm a week ago. I now have a left proximal humeral fracture and my poor, purple and black arm is being held still in a collar and cuff sling.

The fall itself, as surreal as my goth-like arm. The sky moved down and the ground became sky as I became an exocet missile, shoulder barging a parked Volkswagen. It could've been worse. Without the parked car, I'd have been more injured. 

I am pleased with my well-equipped psychological tool-kit that deals with adversity. Particularly, because I was in charge of my one year old grandson at the time. I had to summon every ounce of determination to get off the ground to ensure his safety.

 I was close to passing out, through shock, from pain and concussion. I controlled this through mindfulness and breathing. Each moment had to be used wisely, with focus and efficiency, whilst I notified his parents to get home. Then whilst I waited for them to arrive, I concentrated on controlling my breathing. My grandson was highly amused. Each painful noisy breath I drew, elicited fits of giggles from him. It could've been worse. I could've been knocked out, leaving him unprotected.

After hospital, as night fell, I felt anxiety and worry, rise from my gut. Trying to add their twopenneth to a difficult situation. It was then, I decided to practice what I preach. What better test? So I made a firm and conscious decision to use this change in circumstances, to use the mindfulness, meditative and breathing techniques to make things better. It could have been worse, if this toolkit was unequipped.

I'm also amused, I'm constantly solving problems, I didn't know I would have, last week. 

I have a reading list a mile long, and college assignments to complete, and a chunk of unhindered time to do them. As I love learning, it's been handed to me on a plate. It could've been worse. Facing this time without any direction or structure would add to my suffering. 

The best thing about this situation though, is my family and close tribe members who have immediately surrounded, protected and cared for me. We have all come together to assist each other to assist each other. (That wasn't a typo.) My ex-husband and his new partner, kindly sent me flowers too. I'm very touched by all the love around me.

Another feature of my current situation is a very powerful clarity. I've seen hidden agendas exposed and intentions vividly laid before me.

Ignoring the guidance and messages, previously, clearly given to me, has led to a message, I know I can't ignore. Do the work!

Everything in my life, thus far, has equipped me for the here and now. It's the same for all of us. We are all the product of a long line of ancestors who survived. If they hadn't, we wouldn't be here now. I had a stark choice in thinking, this week, 'I can't!' Or 'I can!' Same set of circumstances, same healing time. The only difference between the two is attitude.

I even thought that I can't write and type this blog. Then I remembered my friend Irfan Hafiz, who recently passed away from muscular dystrophy at age 38. While lying face down, using a respirator for years, he wrote three books using only 1 finger. His last book, Silent Thoughts (2016) was typed on an old iPhone 5c. So no more excuses from me.

This enthusiastic, optimistic, kind, stoic man has helped me to see many more ways, it could've been worse.

It all boils down to choice.

© Gillian Cullis 13 August 2018


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